Mood Journal {Overpowered By the Mind}

Day: January 26 Thursday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: guilt, agitated, and shame in the morning. Depression, overwhelmed, and frustration in the noon to night.

Weather: 45˚-66˚

What I ate

-Morning: bowl of cereal 6:15AM

-Noon: N/A

-Night: rice and a few wings 8:30PM

-Snack: N/A

NOTES: NEVER DO ROCKSTAR AND DRUGS AGAIN

Menstrual: N/A

Who I was with: class 7:30AM-9AM, Ryan 9:30AM-9:40AM class 9:45AM-11:20AM, 11:20-7:00PM friends and Ryan and Chloe and Doc, 7:00PM-8:00PM my dad, 8:00PM-8:30PM my mom

When I was alone: 8:30PM and after

Stressors [depressed]: almost passed out, got upset with Ryan for no reason, missed work, made Catie worry about me, my mom told me that she’s disappointed in me deciding to take medication, medication made me feel a bit ill

Contributors [happy]: Catie is doing good in LA, got to spend time with Ryan

Dreams: cannot remember

Sleep: 10:30PM to 5:45AM

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Illness: N/A

What I feel: I felt really bad and guilty for feeling upset with Ryan even though I didn’t tell or show him I was so I apologized to him this morning and told him why I apologized even though I didn’t actually do anything bad or mean to him. I got sorta agitated with my first class because I just wanted to do the work and ignore the lecture because I knew what I was doing and what not. I almost passed out in class around 10ishAM cuz I was lightheaded so I’m a bit embarrassed by that. I feel really bad because I’m not going to work today and I kinda let my boss know late notice. (9:30PM) I am very easily distracted and zoning out a bit, it took me a while just to come back to the journaling in the middle of this sentence. I feel stupid for drinking the rockstar when I had taken medication, but at least I did other things to keep hydrated and whenever I was lightheaded, I went to lay down and drunk water. My mom says she is disappointed in me for deciding to take medication. The only real reasons she gave were that there are other methods and “once you’re on medication, you can’t get off.” But 1. I am not JUST taking pills, I am doing talk therapy too. And it’s a small dosage as well. And then 2. I’m not worried about “getting off” the medication. That is for future-me to worry about. Right now, I just want whatever is gonna help me not feel like shit and keep me from falling behind. I was hoping that she would be proud of me for taking steps necessary to help myself. I’m not doing this to be special or cool or anything like that. I’ve been doing therapy for over 4 years now, and I’ve still been failing classes. And I still feel like shit. It’s not enough and I just want to help myself. I’m not doing this for any other purpose but to take care of myself. That’s all I want. To not fall apart or fall behind. I could and should be doing better than I am. I don’t encourage drinking alcohol or taking drugs if you weren’t prescribed them. I just want help. That’s all. And now I’m crying, perfect.

Shopping Spree: N/A

Started Projects: YYDIN (Yay! You Did It! Notes)

Continued Projects: N/A

Canceled Projects: N/A

Finished Projects: N/A

Homework: psych due Wednesday 1/27 (which is done) math due Thursday 1/28, gender comm due Tuesday 2/2 (partially done, I have 2 more things to do)

Tests: N/A

Did You Take Your Medicine?: Yes