Date: 05/08/13 Day: wed Time: 12:07 am
I know it's to late to write, but I had/have to. I must. I can't take it anymore. Cat is lucky that she can just shut herself out of the world, I both envy & hate her for that.
I must start somewhere & I'll start with this evening. Bunny apparently was having a bad day (& her way of reaching out is asking me to go to the store with her but she always makes us so I thought nothing of it) & her cat had accidentally scratched her face. I understand crying from the pain, I've been there being bit in the face by a bird, but she was throwing a crying tantrum because she thought that she was going to be ugly. She was screaming. When I first saw her face, I thought she was crying blood. It wasn't that bad though. But she was freaked out & convinced that she might need stitches. After 5 min of her just rolling around on the floor, crying, & screaming out, she finally called out mother & eventually calmed down. I pitied her, but during her tantrum & claims that she'd be ugly I felt like telling her to stop it or that I was a few seconds away from throttling her if she didn't shut the fuck pup. I know it's wrong but that's how I felt. I was to scared to leave her alone though in fear that she'd hurt herself.
& then there was dad. I don't know what happened but I heard hum yelling at my ma & Bunny, "You don't do shit! Get out of my house!" I might have it wrong but that's how I heard it. My ma tried telling him to stop because he was angry with her but her replied that he's angry with both. In fear that dad would come up here to sleep on the couch but tell at us for having our stuff out, Cat & I grabbed all out stuff & put it in our rooms (he hasn't come up though). After that I went to my room & texted Bunny to see if she was alright. When she didn't respond My paranoia grew to thinking that she was going to hurt herself. I'm also paranoid that my dad will "snap" one day. I snuck to Bunny's room, the light on, but she wasn't there. I snuck back to my room. I heard something shuffling around in the living room & saw Bunny there look for her sleeping pills. I tried to help by my dad came up & was upset to see me up at midnight [my arm hurts from writing so hard]. Bunny fed more to my paranoia saying dad will hurt us one day & she will stab him for that. I shut myself back in my room, turned up my music, light, & hid under my blankets to black out any thoughts I had. I then remembered this journal, plugged in my reading light, & now we have this. It's nice to tell someone even if it's just yourself 'cause it gets it off your chest or at least a little [I'm writing with my head down at a weird angle right now]
I know it's to late to write, but I had/have to. I must. I can't take it anymore. Cat is lucky that she can just shut herself out of the world, I both envy & hate her for that.
I must start somewhere & I'll start with this evening. Bunny apparently was having a bad day (& her way of reaching out is asking me to go to the store with her but she always makes us so I thought nothing of it) & her cat had accidentally scratched her face. I understand crying from the pain, I've been there being bit in the face by a bird, but she was throwing a crying tantrum because she thought that she was going to be ugly. She was screaming. When I first saw her face, I thought she was crying blood. It wasn't that bad though. But she was freaked out & convinced that she might need stitches. After 5 min of her just rolling around on the floor, crying, & screaming out, she finally called out mother & eventually calmed down. I pitied her, but during her tantrum & claims that she'd be ugly I felt like telling her to stop it or that I was a few seconds away from throttling her if she didn't shut the fuck pup. I know it's wrong but that's how I felt. I was to scared to leave her alone though in fear that she'd hurt herself.
& then there was dad. I don't know what happened but I heard hum yelling at my ma & Bunny, "You don't do shit! Get out of my house!" I might have it wrong but that's how I heard it. My ma tried telling him to stop because he was angry with her but her replied that he's angry with both. In fear that dad would come up here to sleep on the couch but tell at us for having our stuff out, Cat & I grabbed all out stuff & put it in our rooms (he hasn't come up though). After that I went to my room & texted Bunny to see if she was alright. When she didn't respond My paranoia grew to thinking that she was going to hurt herself. I'm also paranoid that my dad will "snap" one day. I snuck to Bunny's room, the light on, but she wasn't there. I snuck back to my room. I heard something shuffling around in the living room & saw Bunny there look for her sleeping pills. I tried to help by my dad came up & was upset to see me up at midnight [my arm hurts from writing so hard]. Bunny fed more to my paranoia saying dad will hurt us one day & she will stab him for that. I shut myself back in my room, turned up my music, light, & hid under my blankets to black out any thoughts I had. I then remembered this journal, plugged in my reading light, & now we have this. It's nice to tell someone even if it's just yourself 'cause it gets it off your chest or at least a little [I'm writing with my head down at a weird angle right now]
I want my therapist right now
No comments:
Post a Comment