Date: 04/30/13 Day: tuesday Time: 9:18 am
There are so many things I'm excited about (Beltane, film festival, making more wings, making my EA prints, my birthday) & at the same time, there are things that I fear that are coming (chemistry final, more school, Cat leaving & going to college Quest, when I feel a low again somewhat like I am now). For every "yay" there is a "boo," life is equal that way, but life isn't always equal & fair to everything & everyone & that balance of equality & inequality is exactly what makes it a equal balance. It's cruel but true.
I hate the bindings on these kind of journals the back has come off & I should just toss it.
I remember when the though of Cat came upon me. I had just awaken on a sunday morning & that thought crept up. I was scared. What would I do without her? Who would I talk to? Who would be my equal? I am going to be stuck alone with Bunny & though I love her, I am annoyed & fed up with her at times. I felt overwhelmed & like crying. I missed Catie already, & she was only in the next room. I know I'll have to deal with it when it comes, but I can't imagine how. I was able to deal with Bear leaving, & I could deal with Bunny leaving, but Cat? I don't know if I could do it. I could deal with moving alone myself, but I feared being left here by Cat. I don't think I could ever burden Cat with these feelings of loss I will feel, it would be wrong. When she heard, yesterday, that I wanted to go to LA for college, she got excited & said we could move in together. I was surprised that she just NOW heard that's where I wanted to go. Has she been listening to me at all?
There are so many things I'm excited about (Beltane, film festival, making more wings, making my EA prints, my birthday) & at the same time, there are things that I fear that are coming (chemistry final, more school, Cat leaving & going to college Quest, when I feel a low again somewhat like I am now). For every "yay" there is a "boo," life is equal that way, but life isn't always equal & fair to everything & everyone & that balance of equality & inequality is exactly what makes it a equal balance. It's cruel but true.
I hate the bindings on these kind of journals the back has come off & I should just toss it.
I remember when the though of Cat came upon me. I had just awaken on a sunday morning & that thought crept up. I was scared. What would I do without her? Who would I talk to? Who would be my equal? I am going to be stuck alone with Bunny & though I love her, I am annoyed & fed up with her at times. I felt overwhelmed & like crying. I missed Catie already, & she was only in the next room. I know I'll have to deal with it when it comes, but I can't imagine how. I was able to deal with Bear leaving, & I could deal with Bunny leaving, but Cat? I don't know if I could do it. I could deal with moving alone myself, but I feared being left here by Cat. I don't think I could ever burden Cat with these feelings of loss I will feel, it would be wrong. When she heard, yesterday, that I wanted to go to LA for college, she got excited & said we could move in together. I was surprised that she just NOW heard that's where I wanted to go. Has she been listening to me at all?
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