Mood Journal {Nap Time for the Little Hellion}

Day: July 26 Tuesday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: Apple Jacks 6:50AM cinnamon toast 11:20AM

-Noon: mini sandwich 11:30AM

-Night: burger 8:50PM

-Snack: salami, cookies, chips

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 6:35AM-3:15PM

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 1:25AM-6AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I feel like the gargoyle of the house I babysit at. I'm perched on the parents bed to keep an eye on the boys, making sure they don't leave their rooms during their time outs. I finally got number 1 Hellion to nap. It took several calls with his father and a bedtime story, but the task was accomplished. I'm so fucking tired. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: The Illness Called Love

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {Hella Cranky}

Day: July 25 Monday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: cinnamon toast 7:30AM pop tart 10:55AM

-Noon: 

-Night: pizza 7:40PM

-Snack: candy

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 6:35AM-2:30PM

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: REALLY cranky children

Contributors [happy]: headphones came

Dreams: 

Sleep: 11:30AM-5:30AM (nap 3:35PM-6:55PM)

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: The children were all extremely cranky and agitated, but the youngest especially. Their oldest brother came to visit for an hour or so, but apparently there's bad blood between him and the youngest, luckily it seemed that nothing bad was happening while he was there. But the youngest gave me hell today and refused to nap. He even threw stuff during his tantrum, I had to call his father who is currently in North Carolina with their mom. This seems like a great start to my week. At least I'm being productive. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: The Illness Called Love

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {Busy Body For Bloody Bodies}

Day: July 24 Sunday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: doughnut 11:20AM Apple Jacks 11:25AM

-Noon: salmon 1:05PM

-Night: chicken pasta 9:15PM

-Snack: candy, crème pie

Menstrual: 

Who was I with:

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 12:15AM-9:55AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: Didn't do very much other than work on my visual novel. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: The Illness Called Love

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {It's All Greek to Them}

Day: July 23 Saturday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: 

-Noon: Greek food 1:45PM

-Night: hot dogs 11:15PM

-Snack: French toast with Nutella and whipped cream, donut

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 10:50PM-3:40PM parents Bear and Yiayia 4:15PM-7:55PM Opal

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 2:20AM-9:15AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I visited two cemeteries because it was my papou's birthday (after visiting his grave, we then visited my Great Uncle Bob's), then we had brunch with my Yiayia and her sister. On the way home, we picked up Opal. He wasn't able to sleep over or stay very long because his parents wanted him home to help move tomorrow. I understand, but I still wish we had more time. I guess there's always later. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: 

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {Captain Milky Pants}

Day: July 22 Friday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: donuts 9:15PM

-Noon: corn dog and nuggets 12PM potato griller 3:40PM

-Night: burritos 8:55PM salmon 9:40PM

-Snack: Cinnabons

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 9AM-2:50PM boys I babysit 

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: spilled milk, chaffed thigh

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 10:55PM-4:15AM 4:20AM-7:40AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: Only been at work for 10min and I spilled a full cup of milk all over myself, a chair, the edge of the table, and the floor (which led to a chaffed thigh)... So some ladies came to the door, talking about the bible and how it has withstand and hasn't been changed, etc. and I held every urge to say "well, paganism and it's beliefs have withstood and they didn't even need books" or "well, actually, it has gone through changes, especially when going through translations." But instead I was kind and politely declined their magazine and sent them off with a "have a nice day." But bitch, I was raised Catholic and had mini bibles and the likes pushed into my hands being an Irvington and Ohlone student, I don't need another thing about the damn religions of the one true God. I need to make space on my computer, I'm running low. Did a lot of cleaning today so my friend, Opal, could stay over~

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: 

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {Chill is the New Compliment}

Day: July 21 Thursday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: Apple Jacks 8:35AM

-Noon: 4 slices of buttered toast 12:30PM

-Night: Panda Express 4:30PM

-Snack: 

Menstrual: it was my last day last night or this morning! Yay!

Who was I with: 9:05AM-1:15PM 2:45PM-5:05PM Lily 1:40PM-10:45PM Ryan

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 11:40PM-4:05AM 4:15AM-7:40AM (slight nap before bed)

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I had a really good date with Lily and Ryan at the mall. I spent a lot of money at Hot Topic, but it was worth it. We hung around in a lounge area and then got food at Panda Express. We walked Lily to her mom's car and met her mother and sister before they left. Ryan seemed to like her, he described her as "chill," which is a good thing coming from him. 

Shopping Spree: bought 2 dresses and 2 hair bows

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: The Illness Called Love

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journals {Working My Cam Girls}

Day: July 20 Wednesday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: donuts 8:10AM

-Noon: steak and mashed potatoes 1:45PM

-Night: pizza 9:40PM

-Snack: donut, chips

Menstrual: hopefully it's my last day, but that could be tomorrow 

Who was I with: 8:50AM-10AM boys I babysit, 3PM-3:45PM appointment 

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 12:35AM-4:50AM 5:05AM-7:40AM (hour nap in late morning)

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I didn't have work, so I slept then I played HunieCam instead of work on The Illness Called Love. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: 

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {Building Up (Just to Go Back Down)}

Day: July 19 Tuesday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: hot pocket 9:15AM mini donuts 9:30AM

-Noon: 

-Night: BBQ chicken and rice 5:20PM meatloaf and mashed potato 8:50PM

-Snack: 3 small pieces of steak 

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 9AM-1:30PM boys I babysit

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 8:25PM-1:15AM 1:45AM-7:45AM (1 1/2 hour nap in afternoon)

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: "Slowly yet surely," I'm gaining weight. 112->114->115. That's a good thing, because when I start ADHD medication, I'll start dropping pounds again. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: The Illness Called Love

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {Ten Seven Sins}

Day: July 18 Monday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: mini donuts 8:55AM pop tarts 11:10AM

-Noon: buttered toast 12:40PM

-Night: hot dog 5:50PM two hot dogs 6:15PM

-Snack: 

Menstrual: second day

Who was I with: 9AM-3:25PM boys I babysit 3:25PM-4:30PM Ma

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 10:15PM-2:20AM 2:35AM-7:25AM 7:35AM-8:15AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I scratched at my foot so much, I hadn't realized I made it bleed. Probably scratched off an old scab. I messaged Ryan: "I just wanna go to your house, curl up on your bed, whilst lying in your arms. Forget everything in the world expect for you for however long it takes." He liked the sound of that. I drew my Seven Sins, grabbed my big suitcase from the storage unit, packed up all my clothes for the photo shoot, and got my birth control. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: Seven Sins

Continued Projects: 

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: Seven Sins (character designs)

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {Blankets Can't Make the Yelling Stop}

Day: July 17 Sunday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: 

-Noon: hot dogs 12:20PM

-Night: steak and pasta 8:50PM

-Snack: cupcake, salami, Pringles 

Menstrual: started this morning

Who was I with:

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: parents arguing

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: It was a movie called Seven Sins and I was the main character in it who was like this tiny androgynous girl (who might not have been biologically female but identified with female pronouns) but was super cute (my face was sorta boyish and I was flat). And there was this organization of bad guys ruling the world, seven of them (I think), and the leader was thus really cool looking woman. And I was sorta trying to get initiated with them and having to go through a test by each of the people in the group. But at the end of my dream, something happens that turned the leader against me cuz of another member or something, I can't quite recall the details. The setting was like a fantasy world, like Legend or The Black Caldron. Each of the people  in the group had this ability linked to their main powers to freeze everyone by saying "*whatever they represent* phase *and I feel like there was another word but I can't remember*" it might have been phase first and then what they represent. If they wanted specific people not to be froze, they'd have to say so. At one point, I was able to use this ability with my own thing (because within each test, I could use theirs, but at a certain point I used my own). I was really cute and the leader thought I was a boy. She was really cool looking and was so gorgeous and badass too. Evil, but really cool. 

Sleep: 11:30PM-1:35AM 1:50AM-5:10AM 5:35AM-6:40AM 8AM-11:15AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: period made me feel sick in afternoon, slight headache at night 

What I feel: I took home 3 pads ¥, utility bag ¥, duffle bag ¥, PJ's ¥, eye mask ¥, 2 dresses ¥, tights ¥, boots ¥, pill case ¥, pill carrier ¥, Pringles ¥, water bottle ¥, candy ¥, cupcake ¥, tissues ¥, lotion ¥, coat ¥, dress ¥, computer ¥, art organizer ¥, cords ¥, glasses ¥, poker cards ¥, pen ¥, pencil ¥, sharpie ¥. I know it won't make the yelling stop, I know it won't make the bad things disappear, but I really do feel safe wrapped up in a blanket. My parents got into a really bad argument, something that had to do with my maternal grandmother and my dad posting something nasty about her on Facebook and more. Sounds like my ma's phone is broken too or something and she threw it into the garbage. I just sat by my door (after locking it) and listened. Bunny at one point started felt the need to invite herself in and began screeching at them to stop fighting. It was shortly lived, but it wasn't her place anyway. Bear tried telling her to stay out of it, my dad too, and so she cussed them out in response (yup, people are going to stop being aggressive when you act aggressive toward them =_= uh-huh, keep at it). They moved downstairs after the argument and it started up again two or three more times. My room is directly above there's. I crawled into my bed under the comfort of my big blanket. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: character worksheet 

Continued Projects: 

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes and a Tylenol for the menstrual pains 

Mood Journal {Slumber Party at the Hospital}

Day: July 16 Saturday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: 

-Noon: Apple Jacks 1:20PM

-Night: Chinese food 6:55PM

-Snack: candy

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 3:30PM-4:45PM car ride with parents 4:45PM-8:35PM dinner 

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: received my power supply, saw my family, gave fairy wings to cousin, sleep study

Dreams: 

Sleep: 1:50AM-12:15PM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I brought 3 pads, utility bag, duffle bag, PJ's, eye mask, 2 dresses, tights, boots, pill case, pill carrier, boots, Pringles, water bottle, candy, cupcake, tissues, lotion, coat, dress, computer, art organizer, cords, glasses, poker cards, pen, pencil, sharpie. The guy taking care of me said about checking my magnesium, if maybe that was low because slack of magnesium can cause depression, anxiety, sleep problems, etc. I talked a lot, but when don't I? I was super excited to see that family again, my cousin seemed to like her wings and I got to meet my new baby cousin. I have the family w card. My aunt said that she'll pay for a plane ticket for me to come visit. It'll have to wait until winter vacation since I work all summer. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: 

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {Candylicious, Baby}

Day: July 15 Friday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: mini donuts 8:55AM

-Noon: egg muffin sandwich 12PM

-Night: Japanese leftovers 7:15PMJapanese leftovers 7:15PM lobster pasta 9:30PM 

-Snack: 

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 8:45AM-1:20PM boys I babysit 1:20PM-6:50PM salon

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: got my hair done and it looks great!

Dreams: 

Sleep: 12:15AM-3:10AM 3:20AM-5:40AM 5:45AM-7:10PM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: Watched Inside Out and cried a little. Good movie. Got my final vintage item besides the choker, but I might use a yellow ribbon instead. I talked to my friend, Lori. She told me about her father's death and everything going on. I felt so bad for her. I wish I could be there for her. Got out of bed late at night just to make my cousin her fairy wings. I got glitter all over my hands! I hope she likes them. 

Shopping Spree: hair, matching shirts for Opal

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: The Illness Called Love

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {The Birthday Bunny}

Day: July 14 Thursday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: cinnamon toast on English muffin 9:20AM

-Noon: peanut butter and jiffy puff sandwich 11:30PM

-Night: Japanese food 8:30PM

-Snack: 

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 8:55AM-12:10PM 6:30PM-10:25PM family and Ryan

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 12:45AM-4:30AM 4:40AM-6:15AM 6:20AM-7:20AM (nap 1:25PM-5:25PM)

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I got another package. Today is Bunny's bday, and I made her a rococo themed card, which worked perfectly because she had a rococo themed cake. With her card, I wrote a poem which apparently made her cry. The original one went like this: 

I can say true with all my heart

That losing you would tear it apart

You have fought on all these years

Through fiery screams and icy tears

You've been brave and strong, a true queen

It's a shame that your beauty you've never seen

All I've wanted for you was happiness and love

And that you should be way far above

Out of the reach of the horrors and pain

But you've endured them to learn and gain

You've made it this far, all the way

Now I'd like to say, Happy Birthday

But that's way to dark, and not very birthday material, so the final version was what I gave her, which went like this:

There's always another day

New possibilities and hopes to be had

And I'm glad you've made it all this way

And I'm glad you're my sister even through the good and bad

There's always a reason to find to smile

Even when you're feeling lost and confused

Just ponder upon the positive for a while

And all the good times and things that made you amused

I love you, and though you don't see it

I find you beautiful and skilled

So please don't you forget

Build up your castle with strength and will

Even when we fight or angry

In the end we have each other's back

And I'll always wish for you to be happy

To continue on a loving path

There are just some things that are hard to say

But I'd like to wish you a Happy Birthday

So yeah, short and sweet and true. I was super tired today. 

Shopping Spree: lyft

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: Bunny's Bday card

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: Bunny's Bday card

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {Out For the Day}

Day: July 13 Wednesday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: mini donuts 9:10AM 

-Noon: cinnamon toast 11:40AM

-Night: hot dogs 5:30PM

-Snack: Pringles, candy

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 8:55AM-1:30PM Boys I babysit 3:30PM-4PM appointment 4:50PM-10:55PM Ryan

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 1:15AM-4:45AM 5AM-7:05AM 7:25AM-8:15AM (nap 8:55PM-10:05PM)

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: After work, I got a few more packages and then had to take off for my appointment. I then went around on a few errands, like picking up my pills (and now finally have 100mg pills instead of having to take 2 50mg). Ryan apparently was available to hang out, so we headed to my house after I was done. 

Shopping Spree: took lyft several times, paid for my own pills

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: The Illness Called Love, Bunny's Bday card

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {The Fairy Princess I Want To See}

Day: July 12 Tuesday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: Apple Jacks 8:40AM 

-Noon: cinnamon toast 11AM wings 4:30PM

-Night: mini bugger 6:50PM

-Snack: a mini donut, ice cream cupcake

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 8:55AM-12:05PM boys I babysit

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: one boy pushed other off trampoline, TV has completely lost volume 

Contributors [happy]: cake mix came

Dreams: 

Sleep: 1:15AM-8AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: So, ya know how yesterday was rather lucky? Today's been the opposite to a certain extent. The youngest boy I babysit pushed his brother off the trampoline on purpose. Luckily there was no serious injury, but had he done that when the brother was by the entrance (as he tried the first time), he would have landed on concrete and could of gotten gravely impaired. I set my follow appointment for the sleep study and it is during a time that I might have work, but I'm sure my employers will understand. I got my first jury duty summons. Sounds like Ryan's having a tough time at work and home. He probably won't be able to hang out tomorrow. It's during a work day, so I'll have to reschedule it. I also rescheduled my hair appointment for Friday after work. Thursday was tempting, but it's Bunny's bday and I'm not that cruel. So I'd rather do it on Friday when she has off and I'm not inclined to hang out with her. I'm making her a bday card, something personal with a poem. I want to try making my cousin the fairy wings I promised her by Saturday. I told myself when I found the drawing design of her wings that I wanted to get them done by the next time I see her. I see her Saturday. It shouldn't take long, I just need to make sure I have all my supplies for it. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: Bunny's bday card

Continued Projects: The Illness Called Love

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {Luck Be M'Lady Tonight!}

Day: July 11 Monday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: toasted bagel with cinnamon 9:30AM

-Noon: egg sandwich with salami 12:30PM

-Night: clam chowder 8:40PM

-Snack: 

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 9AM-2:05PM boys I babysit 3:05PM-3:30PM appointment 

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: sleep study appointment, got paid, packages

Dreams: 

Sleep: 12:25AM-5:35AM 5:45AM-6:15AM 6:20AM-7:15AM 7:20AM-7:45AM (nap 5:35PM-7:50PM)

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I started working on my visual novel again. Made a plot line for it and whatnot. I got my 2 blouses, camiknickers, and one of my camisole/chemise today. I was super lucky with scheduling my sleep study. They are like booked, and their next available was in October, but they had a cancellation, so I will be seeing doing it this Saturday. Instead of waiting 4 months, I'll only have to wait 4 days. How frickin' lucky. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: The Illness Called Love

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes 2 50mg

Mood Journal {Let's Gain Some Weight}

Day: July 10 Sunday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: Froot Loops 11:05AM

-Noon: pasta with Alfredo sauce 2:20PM

-Night: a little bit of chicken noodle soup 6:15PM lasagna and lobster pasta 8:35PM coco puffs 11:10PM

-Snack: 

Menstrual: 

Who was I with:

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: seeing the sleep doctor tomorrow

Dreams: 

Sleep: 1AM-3:50AM 4AM-7:25AM 7:35AM-8:15AM 8:25-AM-8:50AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: Why am I always getting hungry late at night? I think it's the Zoloft because it usually causes weight gain. I know it's not good to eat late, but sometimes it gets to a point where I'm so hungry it makes it hard to sleep because it hurts or makes me sick. It's like an extreme hunger, like I've hardly ate anything in the last 12hrs when in reality I have eaten dinner 2-4 hrs ago usually. It doesn't always get that bad, but getting hungry at night has been a very often occurrence as of late. Only three or four times, including now, have I actually indulged in eating something (other than a little bit of Nutella). Always do cereal, cuz it's just the easiest and best sounding at the time. 

Shopping Spree: vintage skirt and bloomers

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: Cry Babies of C.S.R., The Illness Called Love

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes 2 50mg

Mood Journal {Family and Photos}

Day: July 9 Saturday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: pop tarts 12PM

-Noon: Sweet Tomatoes 12:50

-Night: meatloaf and bean pasta 7:15PM coco pebbles 12:15AM

-Snack: dippin dots

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 11:50AM-4:40PM parents (and party), 4:40PM-9:15PM Chloe (and her mom off and on)

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: dressed hella cute, modeled 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 12:35AM-5:45AM 5:50AM-8:20AM 8:25AM-8:35AM 8:40AM-10:25AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I went to my cousin's 4th birthday party so I could see my ma's family cuz I don't get to often. Afterward, I modeled for Chloe because she's in a photography class then ate dinner with her and her mother. We had a nice time and she had a lot of fun with my snapchat. Organized through all my Victorian and vintage clothes and made a album of the photos and lists of outfits. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: Shoot Me Elegant

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes 2 50mg

Mood Journal {Everything Makes Me Angry}

Day: July 8 Friday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: cereal 9:10AM

-Noon: egg muffin sandwich 11:25AM fried egg 11:35AM 

-Night: clam chowder 10:20PM

-Snack: chocolate tort

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 9:05AM-2:05PM boys I babysit, 6:15PM-12:05AM Ryan

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: dog made a mess, boys fighting, a lot of people I know are going through a rough patch, frustrating situations

Contributors [happy]: boys complemented my outfit

Dreams: 

Sleep: 1:40AM-6:50AM 6:55AM-7:55AM 8AM-8:25AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: slight headache in late evening probably caused by aggravation, but if an upset stomach at night

What I feel: I didn't want to go to the wine bar, nothing sounded good and with the people, they're obnoxiously drink and we were stuck there for about 3 1/2 hours. Just little things are annoying me from some reason and I'm tired from a long and frustrating day. I'm being such a brat, I know, I don't feel like I'm being grateful or whatnot, but I didn't wanna be there and I didn't wanna hangout with Bunny and I didn't wanna get back into a cramped car with her and everyone else. And of course she was pissy for no goddamn reason on the ride home and Ryan and her almost engaged in an argument about cops. Bear and Bunny kept bickering with each other. I had almost chose to stay home with Ryan, but didn't want to make him skateboard all the way over to my house since he does it all the time and I should go to him. Didn't fucking matter cuz he misread one of my messages and skated most of the way to my house. I didn't wanna make him go any farther so we picked him up on the way to the wine bar. I didn't want to be a selfish brat. But I kinda wish we didn't go, that I let him ride the rest of the way to my house. Cuddling with him in my bed, watching a movie was really nice. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: 

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes but late at night, also had to take 2 50mg

Mood Journal {SPEND ALL DUH MUNS}

Day: July 7 Thursday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: egg muffin sandwich with salami 9:05AM

-Noon: toasted bagel 1/2 with cream cheese other 1/2 with cinnamon 12:35PM

-Night: pizza 5PM spaghetti with Alfredo sauce 9:10PM

-Snack: 

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 8:40AM-2PM

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: money got paid

Dreams: 

Sleep: 11:35PM-4AM 4:15AM-7:15AM  7:10AM-7:25AM 7:30AM-8:20AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I felt super guilty for my big shopping spree at first, but then I got paid a bunch for taking care of the animals this weekend. I hadn't expected much or even anything, but hey, I'm not complaining. Putting that money in the bank tomorrow. 

Shopping Spree: chokers, vintage clothes, power adapter

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: 

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes I refilled my pill case with 2 50mg in each day

Mood Journal {Cuddly Sweetie}

Day: July 6 Wednesday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: pop tarts

-Noon: mini burgers 12:55PM

-Night: sweet and sour pork

-Snack: cookie, cupcake, cookie dough

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 9AM-12:30PM 5PM-10:30PM Ryan

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 11:45AM-5:30AM 5:40AM-6:15AM 6:30AM-8AM 8:05AM-8:15AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: My computer shut off a couple of times on me while playing sims, but I wasn't too annoyed. I had a really nice time with Ryan and laying in his arms. 

Shopping Spree: petticoat and stockings

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: 

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes? I think... You see, I remember taking my pills out, and either took them with my milk at work or with sparkling cider at home, either that or I lost them

Mood Journal {Calling the Quarters}

Day: July 5 Tuesday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: cinnamon toast 9:05AM

-Noon: spaghettios 2:55PM

-Night: mini burgers 8:35PM

-Snack: 

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 8:55AM-2:05PM boys I babysit 

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 11:50PM-2:55AM 6:25AM-7:50AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: Not much to talk about. Family came home tonight and Bunny's friend came over. Looked through my Wicca stuff and even brought down my altar. 

Shopping Spree: Lyft, Victorian Trading Co cake mix

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: Calling the Quarters

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {Feeling Like a Terribly Paranoid Sister}

Day: July 4 Monday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: pita pizza and canned salmon 10:35AM

-Noon: 

-Night: hot dogs 6:10PM

-Snack: pita, ice cream cupcake, popcorn

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 6:45PM-10:10PM Bunny

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 1:20AM-3:35AM 3:40AM-7:15AM 7:25AM-8:05AM (nap 3:25PM-5:45PM)

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: So Opal had to cancel on me cuz his aunt and uncle are coming over, I hadn’t told my ma yet, when she suggested I do something with Bunny cuz she’s lonely. It’s not that I can’t tell. Of course she’s lonely, she doesn’t have any friends left in this state and her family walks around on eggshells around her. I feel bad for my sister, I really do, but I’m still paranoid that something will happen. I’m alone, who is to stop her if she goes off? I fought the urge to text my ma back, “I am not going out with that woman. I love her, she’s my sister, and I do feel bad for her, but little sisters aren’t supposed to be scared of their big sisters. I don’t care how many good moments she’s had, how sweet she can be and actually is, how much she loves me, or how much I love her, I do not want to willingly place myself into a hostile environment such as hers. I absolutely hate feeling that way about her, I really do, I hate myself and often think I’m a terrible sister, but haven’t even you been worried she could get physical? Haven’t even you experience her being physical and trying to harm you? I’m crying as I write this, that’s how much guilt I feel for feeling the way I do toward her, but how much fear she strikes into the heart of me. I’m sure that most of my problems about viewing myself in a negative light have been stemmed by her and her treatment and volatile nature. I know it’s not fully her fault, she needs help that she’s not getting. I’m alone with her, what will I do if there is a problem? I know in the end I’m just being paranoid and petty, but I really am scared of my older sister. I’m scared of hurting her, and I’m scared of her hurting me. I know she’s been supportive and loving, but she’s been so on edge recently and so much more easier to snap. I don’t want to go out with her. I’ll stay in doors, watch something with her, but I will not go out with her.” So tonight just goes to show that I'm paranoid, but an optimist. I ended up going to a movie with her despite saying I didn't feel up to going out because she will never take "no" for an answer. I had even told her I wasn't feeling too well, which was true and she heard me sniffling and blowing my nose, and yet she still kept pushing. Nothing bad happened, luckily. Some days are like that.

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: 

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: Yes

Mood Journal {Helping Makes Me Happy}

Day: July 3 Sunday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: toasted English muffin with cinnamon 10:35AM

-Noon: canned salmon sandwich on English muffin 3PM

-Night: pita pizza 7:25PM

-Snack: cookie and cheese

Menstrual: 

Who was I with: 3:20PM-8:05PM Chloe and Rory and Chloe's mom

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 1:15AM-3AM 3:10AM-4:45AM 4:50AM-6:30AM 6:35AM-8:15AM 8:20AM-9:40AM (nap 11:55AM-1:55PM)

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I went with a couple of friends to help out at a homeless shelter. I had a really good time. I love doing charity work and helping people. I even made a friend it seems. I get along well with people either younger or older than me. I was so paranoid that Bunny would try to sleep in my parent's room with me that I locked the door and stayed as quiet and still as I could. I know that's a bit much, but she was in a foul mood and I really wanted to avoid being in her presence this weekend. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: 

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes

Mood Journal {The Horror of Being Alone}

Day: July 2 Saturday 2016

Certain Emotion on Time of Day: 

Weather: 

What I Ate

-Morning: buttered waffles with syrup 11:50AM

-Noon: canned salmon 1:25PM

-Night: spaghettios 5:20PM

-Snack: cupcakes

Menstrual: 

Who was I with:

When was I alone: 

Stressors [depressed]: 

Contributors [happy]: 

Dreams: 

Sleep: 1AM-7:25AM 7:35AM-9:30AM

Moon Phase: 

Illness: 

What I feel: I really wanted to hang out with someone on 4th of July so I don't have to hang out with my sister, and I feel awful for saying that, but it's true. I didn't want anyone to feel inclined to though just because I'm being petty and paranoid, I don't want to intrude or be an inconvenience. But Opal said he'd hang out with me, which would be nice since we don't get to see each other often because of school. Bunny has been trying hard to convince me to go to Napa with her on Sunday (even though I have plans with Chloe, but it's cuz I forgot and thought it was Monday she was going). I told her that I was hanging out with Chloe tomorrow and we might hang out on the 4th too, but she was like "Are you sure you don't want to go tomorrow? You can hang with Chloe on the 4th?" Even though I said might and that it wasn't definite for Monday. She dropped it with a simple "ok" after I told her about Chloe and then Opal, but I know she's upset and it'll bite me in the ass later. But I know it'll bite me in the ass if I go or hang out with her either day, because it's a 2hr drive to and from Napa and I really don't want to do that with her. And it'll be after work and then night so she'll be cranky. And who knows if she'll get pissed while there. Or what she'll want to talk to me about on the ride because if I don't talk it'll be criminal. She's still hung up on Jeremy, so there's a bit of jealousy around me being in a healthy and happy relationship. And I really don't want her to pry and I have to come out about Lily before we might actually start dating or just come out about looking for a third in general and hear a lecture from her especially since she  got pissy over me just joking about Opal being my boyfriend when I'm dating Ryan. See I'm paranoid and overthinking things. But something ALWAYS happens, without fail. And a 2hr drive, something is bound to happen. She's been really on edge recently too. Like, more so than usual. And much more easily to snap, and I'm not the only who to notice. But I'll tell you something, if she has an episode that I deem as possibly dangerous, I WILL 50-1-50 her. Not saying it'll come to that, but if it does. And if I somehow end up in a car and she get volatile, I'll make her pull over and I'll walk, take the bus, or get a Lyft. There's times in the past where I believed she should have been 50-1-50ed because she either threatened to kill herself, harm herself, or smashed a beer bottle and come at my Ma with it. And yet no one did anything. Not to mention when she drove when she had a DUI and wasn't allowed to drive (my Ma threatened to call the police but didn't cuz she called her begging her not to). When she goes on a big tirade, I lock myself in my room which once was a good call because she charged at my door and tried to get in. Once, on the drive home from Napa, at the very beginning, she got into an argument with my parents (starting with my dad) and when she argues there's lots of tears and yelling and screaming (my dad is a bit of a hothead too). We were in a tiny 4 seater car, so I'm sitting next to her think "GREAT, just the way to start a 2hr drive in a cramped car." Then, when you're her passenger, she won't let you sleep while she drives no matter how tired, how hard you've worked, or how late it is. She won't even let you not talk to her on a drive without freaking out a bit. She's snapped at me in the past for being too quiet on a car ride. I think she's afraid of silence. She can't not have either music playing, movies/shows playing, or someone talking to her without her being uncomfortable or agitated in some way. She's like really addicted to watching things, she even does it when in the shower. I really don't want to ruin her life or career by 50-1-50ing her, but if I feel like she's an endangerment to herself  or even me (but I know I can take her, I'm just scared of hurting her, she is my sister after all and I do love her despite everything), I won't be afraid too. She's harming herself more than anyone else with this behavior and obviously needs more professional help than what she's getting. Hurting someone or herself is more damaging then being hospitalized or under watch again…at least, that's how I'm gonna look at it. She's been hospitalized 2-3 times I believe. How I spend my nights alone I guess: cuddled up with 2 big dogs, drawing, watching Markiplier play horror, and eating cookie dough with milk. 

Shopping Spree: 

Started Projects: 

Continued Projects: Plague Girl albums

Canceled Projects: 

Finished Projects: 

Did you take your medicine?: yes