Day: March 1, 2016
Certain Emotion on Time of Day:
Weather: 55˚-70˚
What I ate
-Morning: scones and clotted cream 12:00PM
-Noon: buttered toast 4:00PM
-Night: N/A
-Snack: peanut butter ritz, shoestring fries, red velvet
Menstrual: started around 4:30PM maybe earlier
Who I was with: 7:30AM-9:05AM class, 9:45AM-11:00AM class,
11:00AM-2:00PM friends and Ryan (off and on), 2:00PM-6:30PM work
When I was alone:
Stressors [depressed]: left 5min before my class stated so I
was about 10min late, started my period at work and bled through my shorts,
strong period cramps and heavy flow
Contributors [happy]: Skyped with Ryan last night (just being
able to hear his voice over phone or receiving a message from him would have
been enough), dozed off in Ryan’s arms this morning, internet friend checked on
me
Dreams: cannot remember
Sleep: 12:15AM-6:00AM
Moon Phase: Last Quarter
Illness: N/A
What I feel: So last night, as I was feeling lonely, when I thought
Ryan would get off work, I called him. He said he would be home to Skype soon,
but I suddenly didn’t want to. I don't know what it is or why, but for some
reason I didn’t. Maybe it was because I embarrassed and ashamed and felt like a
nuisance. Nonetheless, we did Skype and made plans for him to come over to my house
tomorrow night and hang out today between my classes. I wanted to purposefully
fall asleep in his arms when we were waiting, just so I could
"accidentally" miss class. Did I feel guilty about the thought? Yes.
But at least I didn't go through with it. I did doze off a bit, which was
nice…though I had a weird Super Smash Brothers dream. I am in so much pain
right now, though, from my period. I just want to sleep. I started my period at
work, I didn't have pads on me and my flow was already heavy. I bled through my
shorts a little and didn’t want the boys to know I was in pain. The mother only
had tampons and small, light panty liners. I don’t do tampons cuz I can’t do
penetration in general, and I usually use thick pads because of my heavy flow. I
took a liner cuz it was close to me getting off work anyway. I REALLY need to
talk to my doctor about birth control. I seriously was just laying immobile on
the floor as soon as I got home because it hurt so much. After wallowing on the
floor in pain, going to the bathroom, and eating cake, I immediately went to bed,
despite it not even being 9PM. Fucking hate being biologically female. Fucking hate
you, uterus.
Shopping Spree: N/A
Started Projects: N/A
Continued Projects: N/A
Canceled Projects: N/A
Finished Projects: N/A
Homework: math due Thursday 3/3 (done)
Tests: N/A
Did You Take Your Medicine?: Yes and some pain killers (2
tylenol)
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