The fighting had been going on for some point before I messaged Opal, so the time below is not when the fighting started, but when the messaging began.
9:39
Me: You know, there's a reason why talking about politics is band in my household, and yet it still happens and results in the yelling and fighting I hear downstairs 😑
Opal: darn 😕
Me: Bunny is the LAST person to have a political debate with, cuz if even one of your views is different from her's YOU'RE FUCKING WRONG. If Ryan and her were to get into a political debate, it would never end
Opal: oh gawd
Me: They almost have and so as soon as I started, I whispered in his ear to shut up. There is no getting through to her, and it can be incredibly hard to stop him once he's into it
Opal: yeah...sometimes there's some people it's best not to argue with
Me: Mmhm
10:00 PM
Me: Oh my gods, they're still going and are so loud
Opal: D:
Me: Bunny just threatened to stab my Ma if she said the "n word" again... 😦
Opal: ...don't know which part of that is worse, but oh gawd
Me: That my Ma said the "n word" or that my sister threatened to stab her? I'm sorry, but saying a word is lesser evil to violence
Opal: kinda, cuz I've no idea what context or to whom she's saying the word - both have intents of violence in some way, at least to me
Me: It's not like my Ma goes around calling people that, though I don't think she should say it at all. She's not saying it to be offensive, but it is sorta the neighborhood she grew up in. She was the only white girl, everyone else was Mexican or black.
Opal: ah
Me: She doesn't say it in public, but still not a good word to use
Opal: ...I suppose though, given the context, agreed that the violent threat is worse
10:10 PM
Me: I think it's over. I'm just glad I was out of the line of fire
Opal: yeah
Me: Whenever I hear the fights get intense, I lock my door. If they happened at night or were geared toward me, I might keep it locked all night. I'm paranoid that she'll do something. I know I shouldn't be, I mean, if she was going to, she would have by now, right? Unless you count that beer bottle incident when she tried attacking my Ma with a glass she broke. A little sister shouldn't be scared of her big sister like this.
Opal: 😕 gawd, yeah
Me: But I know I'm being paranoid... Or is that just hope? I hate to admit that she's right that I villainize her, but she gives me good reason to. She threatened to slap me on the face before. She throws and breaks things in anger. She's talked about wanting to crash the car when upset, even when I'm in it with her.
Opal: with so many threats, I really can't blame you for being scared
Me: And she's obsessed with serial killers and crime
She'll never know how much she scares me. She doesn't realize it's fear, not hate, that I feel for her. She likes to blame our Ma for her eating disorders and self-esteem, then I can do the same to her. How many times has she made me feel worthless or idiotic? I wanted to create an image inspired by her with the quote "You are my anxiety attack," because in all honesty, she is. I get anxious just hearing the suggestion of her coming to pick me up. I can't keep going on like this with my own sister.
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