12/20/2016
My family gets upset that I take awhile to tell them things, and I understand that, it's a completely valid feeling, but when I do get around to telling them things, it's like a game of one hundred questions, and I feel like I'm being interrogated like some criminal who has done something wrong, even if it's good news like my engagement. I told them it took awhile because I was concerned they'd freak out, and so my ma said that should tell me something. So I asked, "tell me something about me or this family?" I felt that was a valid question. She knows I suffer from anxiety, but if I'm worried my family are going to freak out, and apparently one of them did, how does that say something about me other than I was right? Why can't they just hear the good news and be happy for me without having to lay a million questions on me? It makes me anxious and like I've done something terribly wrong, like they're upset or disappointed in me. My stomach was churning, it actually hurt, and so at that point it wasn't just mental pain, but physical as well. I'm literally in a closet right now, trying not to sob my eyes out. I almost feel like saying "fuck it, let's elope" and just have a civil wedding. In fact, maybe I will.
But this isn't even just about that. Why can't they just be proud of me? Happy for me? Trust me?
10/22/2016
Could I have Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome?
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